The Platinum Rule
Treat others as they would like to be treated
Understand 4 diff patterns of behavior
ID one behavior from another
How do you adapt to different style to increase trust
4 patterns: Directors, Thinkers, Relators, and Socializers
1. Directors are most impatient (!), focused on goals, tend to be guarded, tend to be direct and assertive, exhibit firmness with others, bottom line results, they like authority and challenges, great operational skills, cool, independent, competitive, like a lot of freedom, like to manage themselves, like to manage others and delegate, decisive
-Stubborn, impatient, overly tough and blunt, low tolerance for feelings, impatient with delays, launch into convo without hello
-Like to be in charge, measure themselves by accomplishments, I can do it myself, survival of the fittest rules, take what they need rather than wait for others to provide, "My Way"
-Under stress stop listening and become dictatorial, take control by forcing action
- increase effectiveness by reining in need for control, get coach or counselor aspect
There's a lot of me in here, which perhaps is not surprising since my sister is this big time.
2. Thinkers - indirect, task-oriented, objective, systematic problem-solvers, aloof, picky, and critical, high need to be right, overreliance on data, ask a lot of questions on specific things, come across as slow and cautious, great problem-solvers, but could be better decision-makers, tend to be perfectionists because gather too much data and take too long to gather decisions, focus on process rather than outcome, irritated by surprises, working within existing guidelines to promote quality, organization, structure, too much involvement with other people, work alone, prefer intellectual work environment, skeptical, critical, poker face more often than not -- not very responsive
-accuracy, dependable, independence, follow-through
-procrastination, overly conservative, do not like illogical people
This is me big time!
3. Relator - best listeners, good empathy, less assertive, warm, reliable, seem pushover, slower-paced, avoids risky and unknown situations, want to know how other people feel about decision, people-oriented, dislike interpersonal conflict -- say what others want to hear, natural counseling skills, like to be well-liked, active listeners, good relationships with other listeners, strong networks of people, don't like pushy people, team players, unassertive, easily bullied, sensitive
-helping professions, have lots of pictures of family, etc, by their desks
Relators and thinkers both procrastinate. Thinkers procrastinate finishing, relators procrastinate starting
4. Socializers - "Don't confuse me with the facts"
Exaggerate and generalize facts, enthusiasm, persuasive, get involved in too many things and don't finish them, more is said than done, impatience, short attention span, get bored easily, idea people, get others caught up in dreams, influence others, shape their environment to accomplish things, charismatic, seek approval and recognition, think fast on their feet, entertainers
Hate being alone, open, fast-paced, relationship-oriented
This is like Hitler. Just thought I'd share.
This is not personality, this is behavior. Personality hard to change, but behavior, less so :) You can have a diff style for diff styles.
Socially - birds of a feather flock together... worst is opposites
Workplace tasks - opposites attract, strengths of one compensate for other.. thinker-relator. relators get along with everybody. worst: director-thinker
How to ID:
Is the person exhibiting open or more guarded behavior?
Open behaviors -- more subjective, more digression, stray from subject, more relaxed and warm, go with the flow in conversations, opinion and feeling-oriented, easier to get to know in biz and social organizations, initiate or accept physical contact, more animated face, more enthusiasm, more non-verbal feedback
Guarded behaviors -- share info on need-to-know basis, decisions on facts and evidence, objective decision-makers, stay on subject, more formal/proper, may have an agenda, takes time to get to know them, don't share enuff info on themselves, work indie, limited facial expressions, poker face
Is the person coming across as more direct or indirect?
Indirect -- slower-paced in how they walk and talk, less assertive, change - decisions - slower, follow rules to the letter of the law, more diplomatic, seem understated and reserved
Direct - approach change more directly and spontaneously (do as much as possible), follow spirit of law, less patient and less competitive, come across as more confronting, assertive body language, more likely to argue
Direct/guarded = director
indirect/guarded = thinker
indirect/open = relator
direct/open = socializer
Mild stress reveals dominant pattern
Directors - give them a page of cost/benefits, stroke their ego, let him/her call the shots, if disagree, argue facts, let him/her have say, be organized, always get to the point, learn what they want to accomplish, what they'd like to change, provide options and let them make a decision
Socializers - Thrive on personal recognition sincerely as possible, support their dreams, try not to argue with their pie-in-the-sky, flutter around with them, be entertaining and conversationalist and be lively, avoid rushing into tasks with them. Show you're interested, summarize details in writing, give them incentives for quicker decisions,
Relator - warm-fuzzy relationship, earn their trust, show sincere interest, be a good listener, talk in terms of feelings, not facts, don't argue/rock the boat, give them time to solicit other opinions, never back them into a corner, apply warmth than hammer, get to know them personally, satisfy their emotional needs, focus on the human element, avoid rushing them to decision, give them assurances, communicate on personal basis
Thinkers - be sensitive to their schedules, give them data, don't expect to become their friend before working with them (in biz), try to be more organized and thoughtful, be well-prepared, be exact, be accurate, give them time to think, work independently, talk in detail, let them do detailed foot-work for the group, set exact deadlines, like to be complicated on brain power, be practical and logical, talk pros and cons, follow through and deliver what you promise
Might be different in different situations -- like socially, in family, at work, etc. etc.
